Oh, Sirius, Why?
by Hobbits Angel
Summary: Gwyneth Black's diary of her first year at Hogwarts, a lot happens. Her parents, her brother Sirius - why is she helpless? Why can't she get him out when she KNOWS he's innocent - maybe she can - but how? Never under estimate the power of hope.


Gwyneth's Diary  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm actually here! At Hogwarts! I will kill, I think his name is Fred Weasley. He said we had to get past a fire-breathing dragon! We didn't though, we had to sit on a three-legged stool and put on this old patched hat, the Sorting Hat. It would shout out the name of the house that it would put you in. I'm in Ravenclaw and so is my best friend Daphne. And that's what's bad. For generations, centuries our family, the Blacks have been in Gryffindor. It sounded by far the best. Brave, great courage. I'd always hoped I would be put in there. But no, I'm hard working. I'm a disappointment. The whole family will be shocked and try to cover it up.  
  
That's what I am a failure, a disappointment a nobody.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
There is so much no to magic than waving your wand and saying something. It is all so complicated! I sent an owl to my parents and brother, saying I was placed in Ravenclaw. I used a school owl, as my owl, Enlighten is flying over to my pen pal in France and won't be back a few days. Such a pity my brother isn't here and he's in Azkaban for committing a crime he swears he didn't do and I am the only one that believes him. My letter should help him cheer up. He is so out of character. He used to be the school joker and so funny, but now he's depressed and sad. He's in there for life. You see, he was Jame's best friend and was his secret keeper and he was meant to be betray them and hand them over to Voldemort. I call him by his name. Voldemort is not worthy enough to have his name covered up with the `Dark Lord' etc. Sirius didn't. At the last moment he persuaded them to change to another person, another friend, Peter. He was weak and talentless and Sirius thought Voldemort  
wouldn't think the Potters would use him. And Peter betrayed them and Harry somehow defeated the Dark Lord, sorry Voldemort. Then Sirius tracked Peter and tried to curse him, but Peter got there first. He shouted something, and then blasted the street with his wand and transformed. He was an unregistered Animagus. And hence Sirius was imprisoned wrongly. I wish I could get him out but there's no evidence. Of course the name, Black lost its respect. And I don't blame him. Malfoy, in our year he has a respected name because his fathers rich and bribes everyone and works in a high place in the ministry. My dad does too, excepting bribing everyone and being a cheating coward.  
  
And I miss Sirius, I'd do anything to get him out, even kill myself. And I'm the only that actually believes him.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I got a letter back from my parents. They say they're positively delighted that I'm in Ravenclaw and that we needed a change and that I should count my blessings that I wasn't in Slytherin. Yeah right. Count blessings! What are they on? Sirius should reply soon, being in Azkaban is a bit longer than London.  
  
Nearly every one I pass, in my year gives me the eye. I don't see why I have to be so attractive. I've just got blond hair, a perfect figure, pretty face, clear skin and shining green eyes, that can sometimes change colour to blue. There's no one in my year except maybe Harry Potter or Ron Weasley. Ron and Hermione are always arguing so I could bet they get together, leaving Harry...  
  
He has these lovely bottle green eyes and sweet untidy hair. And he is so not vain, you can tell he doesn't want all the fame and attention. That's so modest and kind hearted of him. Daphne seems to like Malfoy. He is a spoilt and rich, ignorant, vain brat. It's probably for his money.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sirius replied today! He was actually his usual self before he was imprisoned. He was being cheeky and funny and suggesting this trick I should do on Professor Snape. Or that I should get the Weasley twins to do it. He tries to pull himself together for me, show me that I've got to be brave. The worst will come it can only get better. I love his strength of character, his care everything. I wish he could get out of that horrible place and mum and dad accept him more. They used to really shout at him for playing the fool, but he got excellent reports, top of the class. I really admire Sirius, the way he's coping and everytime I visit he really tries to be the Sirius I can remember from childhood. If only I could get him out. If... Maybe... Possibly... Positively...  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I may have the solution! Sirius said that Peter is a rat in Animagus form. So if I could find a rat with a toe missing that's lived for years, ten years and force him to transform and show himself to some important person or jury, Sirius would be free! Because Peter didn't die and that was the crime he was committed for!  
  
If I forgot to mention I am an Emotionmindas. Guess what this means! I can think like that person or animal! I've just got to pretend that I am really the person and think what I would do and I've got the answer! This is going to prove if it works correctly! I'm going to do it in the holidays so I've got more time to figure it all out.  
  
I earned twenty points for Ravenclaw today, proves that learning the books really works. Gave that joke to the Weasley twins. I think they're going to do it in a week. I can't wait, it'll be really funny.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
I have studied the stars and they tell me that I can't do Emotionmindas until the Easter holidays because the stars have to be in the exact place. This is just flaming blasting great. I am related to centaurs, did I tell you?  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Life goes on here at Hogwarts. In fact it never stops! Mainly because of Peeves, he is really cheeky and annoying. Maybe we're related to him, might show us where Sirius gets it!  
  
Nah, Sirius probably got it from our Great great great uncle Alfred. He was meant to be really funny, maybe like Fred and George Weasley.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Nothing much to report, except I got soaked by one of Peeve's water balloons. I can't believe how cheeky he is! I think he remembers Sirius. He keeps yelling his name as I pass him and saying he has got have his ideas from Sirius when I am by myself and ask how he is! He is too proud to yell that out to everyone, his reputation would be ruined!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Coming up to the Christmas holidays, Ok its only November, but still!  
  
I can't wait to get home! Also I can visit Sirius when I'm at home! One of our human maids, yes they are well treated and paid, takes me there, goes back home and collects me after three hours have passed!  
  
Not much else. The tricks tomorrow! Just a pity I aren't in Fred and George's class. Ariadne Web is in it though. She'll tell us everything. (She's in Ravenclaw.)  
  
Half the girls in Ravenclaw are named after Greek Mythology. Weird, isn't it? The Greeks were really clever and the girls with the names usually end up in Ravenclaw. It's a small world...  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It went brilliantly! Excellently in fact! Snape was publicly humiliated!  
  
The trick was this gadget thing, which made this acne creating and a shrinking potion in its two little cauldrons. A little control point targets the area (George had the control) and a lever pushes the cauldrons over! So Snape had really bad acne and shrank to a size of a mouse. Unfortunately they were making acne cure potions and Snape has a lot of enlargement potions. So his humiliation didn't last that long. The whole class was laughing until he regained his shape and his really bad temper. It went silent after one glare, excepting Fred and George (of course, expect them to keep quiet!) Snape of course had suspected them from the beginning and they got detention, still laughing. The whole class came out, within five feet of the dungeons, and started laughing again and chatting. Snape flipped and took points of the houses. Oh, I wish Sirius had been there, he'd have loved it! The Slytherins were in a pretty foul mood all day and Snape was really bad. Luckily we didn't  
have him. If he had an idea it was me who gave them that trick, I would bet a hundred points from Ravenclaw and detention for a month.  
  
I'll leave you now, I've got to write to Sirius.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sent Sirius the letter.  
  
Not much else, it is the weekend.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sirius replied today! He was absolutely delighted it worked so well! I wish I could have seen his face if he had been here. He and Snape detest, no really loathe each other. He played a great many tricks on Snape when he was at Hogwarts, with James, Peter and Remus. I think he is really the best joker Hogwarts ever knew, honestly. Peeves is just a nuisance, Fred and George just can't beat him. He is my brother.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Boring, boring, boring! It is the weekend again. Nothing that has happened is important to get in you.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Finally Daphne's crush has subsided on the `rich, isn't he so cute, look at his face, worthy, great mighty all hail' Malfoy. Thank god! I've been waiting for this moment for weeks!  
  
Now I have to listen to the `brilliant, isn't he clever ' Hufflepuff, Kevin.  
  
He's better than Malfoy though.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
I can't believe I was so stupid and thick minded to leave you here over the holidays!  
  
Especially since I needed you more than ever over the horrible holidays!  
  
Ok, until the last week of the holidays. Christmas eve, day and Boxing Day was brilliant and enjoyable. Then exactly a week before I leave for the Hogwarts Express they drop a bombshell. They're getting divorced.  
  
I couldn't believe it. They're never had really big arguments, well sometimes. Like my dad always wants everything his way, leave it till tomorrow, doesn't matter, dirty plates can wait till tomorrow morning. And my mum wants everything her way, clean, tidy, and neat. In fact, I still don't believe it. Notice my writings got smaller? Sometimes they had quite heated arguments and I always thought I didn't mind them or if they got divorced. But I do, now I realise. I'm myself with my friends and family, but inside I feel like I'm going to explode or like a brick wall, blocking off the fact that they're divorcing.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I've got to make the effort of writing this big again. My writings really small now, since I heard the news. Like I said, I'm like a brick wall surrounding the divorce.  
  
Divorce? My parents? No, don't match. Do. Don't. See? I'm crying now. Damn, my writing slipped again. Oh, who gives a blasting damning flipping damn about me? No one.  
  
Otherwise, they wouldn't be splitting up would they? No. They keep asking me with whom I'd like to live with. The answer is no one. I want to get away from it all. The only person on the whole earth I'd want to live with my parents together and happy. They're not divorced, they're living together and they're happy. Yeah, right. My whole worlds slipping from beneath my control, my feet and I'm slowly falling, oh so slowly.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
If I weren't confiding in you I'd explode. I always feel ready to burst into tears at the slightest bad thing people say to me. Even my school works going down. What about Daphne, my best friend?  
  
She's still my best friend, but I couldn't confide in her. She wouldn't know what to do or say, just like talking to an absorbent sponge. It soaks up what I'm saying but doesn't say anything back.  
  
Maybe I could live with Sirius if my parents don't break up. But I can't, he's in Azkaban.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I feel like I am going to explode, so many horrible feelings inside, fighting to come out and let themselves known. Hate, anger, loathing, fear, anxious, you get the idea. I still have that suit of armour outside with my friends, I am the same, her parents are divorcing, she seems fine, so lets conclude she Is perfectly ok and we don't have to do a single thing. I wish.  
  
I wish upon a star tonight (or whatever) (upon The Plough or Great Bear) that a) everything will be fine and b) my parents are not splitting up, we are all living happily together in the same house, except Sirius who is in Azkaban. Oh hell, that set off some really depressing feelings so I had better stop now before I distress/depress myself even more.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Please help me, I really feel I'm about to blow my top like a volcano. So I'd better write my feelings down very quickly or I swear to god I will explode and possibly literally as well. At the moment I am feeling very down and depressed and if I mention Sirius, damn doesn't matter. It just depresses me and so oh you know. I am like a very deep well at the moment, full of secrets and passages where my feelings roam in height of what I'm feeling is at the top and the subconscious feelings at the bottom, at the moment the happy thoughts. I don't know why I keep using similes, its not like they're about to change the world or get my parents back together and my life back to normal, oh if only it was that simple.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm changing yesterday's simile. I feel like I am falling down a very deep well very slowly and never seem to reach the dying bottom.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I don't explode because I write in you, I've figured that much out. My parents keep asking me which one I will stay with and I wish Sirius was out of prison. Damn, I've mentioned him again. I now wait for the very depressing thoughts to come.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I don't see any hope at all. There is none, they're splitting up and I hate them. No hope at all. I'm drowning in my depressed thoughts. No ones even noticed I am not myself and my schoolwork is drowning as well. The suit of armour is wearing off, because there is no hope and I'm not even going to try and pretend that I am happy and its not happening because there is no hop whatever I do and whatever they say. Even if I kill myself it won't change, they'll still split up because they'll blame each other. Very soon I shall be in eternal darkness and gloom. There's no point in fighting for the light, heaven part, nothing will ever change.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Finally someone's noticed how bad and rotten I'm feeling. Strange she isn't even Daphne or in my house. She's arranged to meet me in the library tomorrow after dinner. Maybe they is some hope. Just some.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I don't feel like I'm going to explode anymore. I found this girl in Gryffindor, I think I mentioned her before, Hermione Granger. She's an excellent listener and gave me advice on how to cope. She said writing in you is good, as I can let my feeling out on paper. She also arranged, (that sounds so funny, like I've committed a crime and I need to find a lawyer,) a meeting with another girl in her year in Gryffindor whose parents have split up. Lavender Brown. So she can tell me how she coped and still does. I feel like I was a rope slowly getting twisted and now I'm slowly being released. I feel like a butterfly beginning to fly again after an accident with my wings. I'm feeling like I'm coming back diary and boy do I like it!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
I met Lavender today. She had a hard time too but she told me how she coped and advice, tips, stuff like that. I feel much better now. I'm just waiting for myself to come fully back. And then I shall be free, released, whatever simile I use, am I glad!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I got called to McGonagall's office today and then Dumbledore's. At first I thought I'd done something wrong, but I hadn't. It was about my schoolwork and the divorce. Hermione had informed them, as my fighting parents seemed to have forgotten to send an owl. I really like Hermione, she is so thoughtful and brainy. I'm surprised she wasn't put in Ravenclaw.  
  
Anyway I feel so much better now I'm confiding and have got the teachers support. I'm almost there diary, almost there!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My parents got the final papers and they've apparently signed and being sent back and they'll be officially divorced in a few days. I still don't know who I'm going to live with, but I'm at Hogwarts mist of the year, so I could spend the holidays equally between them. Schoolwork's back to a higher standard than usual and diary, I do believe I'm really back, for good!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I've made friends with Hermione. Well, she was always now friend, just maybe not after the Sorting. But if you asked me to name my best friends, she'd appear in the top three! Daphne is still and more and more Ravenclaws and Gryffindors actually know my name! Ok, it doesn't sound big, but this is a very large school and if half of them know my name that is pretty good. I've made friends with most of the Ravenclaws. And don't worry, I won't neglect them. Remember that proverb (or whatever it is) makes new friends, but keep the old, for one is silver the other is gold.  
  
I am back diary, so beware! You've been warned! In fact, just thinking about it, I better than back, I'm so much more confident, etc. So better and improved!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
In my gloom I've completely forgotten about Sirius. And if I had I'd have to wait till next year to do Emotionmindas. I can't imagine that. I'd get swallowed up in the gloom again and I don't want to do that. I feel so much better I am happy and positive, even reading the past entries of depressing thoughts scare me. I was actually thinking that! If Hermione hadn't noticed, give me another two months and would have killed myself. And I don't want to think about that.  
  
Hermione is going to help me find Peter so I have a much better chance now.  
  
Please good lord, let him free, he's been through enough already.  
  
Just two weeks and I will have a clue of where to search for him.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I feel so happy so no reason!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
One week to go!  
  
My schoolwork is really high and even Snape can't find fault. I'm friends with everyone in Ravenclaw in my year. I am so high!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't wait, I can't wait.  
  
I CAN'T WAIT!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I did it tonight with Hermione. I am not going to explain how it is done, its too complicated and you can look up in a book if you're that interested.  
  
Anyway the message I got was:  
`I'm here and I'm hiding. In the least likely place anyone would think. And it should be pretty easy for you and your friend.'  
  
A kind of riddle. Not rhyming or anything, it just states the basics. I will be thinking very hard tonight, and watching the stars for signs tomorrow night.  
  
I haven't told you, but I didn't inform Sirius, it wouldn't do to get his hopes up and then destroy them.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have just studied the stars and they say he sleeps in great comfort and lives a happy life. The only thing I can think of is he sleeps in a dormitory. But there is so many, where to start?  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sorry about not writing for so long, Hermione and me have been trying to think it out.  
  
She's told Ron and Harry so we have quite a good team. She told Harry about Sirius, I'm not sure how I feel about this. I know he'll find out eventually, but I know Sirius would not have to calm an eleven-year-old boy and tell him the whole story. Sirius will have great delight in telling him he is Harry's godfather.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear diary,  
  
Almost two months and we've got him! I can't believe we were so stupid!  
  
You see Ron has this really old rat called Scabbers, which has a toe missing and has lived about ten to twelve years!  
  
I've got him at the moment. He's a big basket with unbreakable charms and curses around it so he won't get out. He is well fed and watered.  
  
I'm visiting Sirius very soon. School ends soon and possible Sirius will be free!  
  
I am praying really hard, Sirius is innocent, he needs out!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Written on the Hogwarts Express.  
  
Referring to my depressed thoughts of my first entry. If Sirius does get out, I'll have proved myself and so I can tell myself that I do have great courage for watching the stars at midnight on the Astromary Tower and all the forbidden hours spent in the library. And it will prove I am a true Ravenclaw for working hard and figuring things out!  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I've got the chance to prove myself and the jury Sirius is innocent. But they'll be a big problem telling them that Sirius didn't blast the street apart with a curse and kill thirteen people.  
  
I bought Ron a new owl by the way. If Scabbers is innocent, I'll keep him anyway.  
  
I'm so nervous.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
WE DID IT! I DID IT! Whatever.  
  
Sirius is free and Peter is imprisoned in Azkaban! I still don't fully believe it.  
  
I don't think Sirius does either.  
  
The jury forced Peter to transform and like I said we had a hard time proving Sirius didn't blast the street and thirteen people apart. But then our lawyer person asked why Peter cut his finger off. Very clever move. So Sirius was released away from those horrible Dementors.  
  
YAHOO!  
  
Also this solves my problems a bit. Instead of choosing between my parents I can go and live with Sirius! I can visit my parents whenever or they can visit me!  
  
Sirius just can't stop thanking me and nor can my whole family, cousin, aunts. Uncles, all of them. The name Black is cleared.   
  
I think Sirius is going to Dumbledore tomorrow and see about Harry and if he can live with him. Knowing Sirius and Dumbledore I think he will! This will bring me closer to Harry... Just kidding, well it will. But who knows? I can't wait to move into Sirius's house, when he gets one.   
  
My only wish now is that my parents were still together, but I can't have everything and should be proud of what I have done and I am!  
  
I'm going to owl Hermione, Harry and Ron and tell them the news!  
  
I can't wait! This holiday is going to be the best I ever have in my life.  
  
Gwyneth.  
  
Et volia! Finis! OK, well exactly what did you think of this? I want to know!  
  
Um, well I did feel a bit sorry for Black and everything so I just made Gwyneth `free' him! Sometimes I can be to soft even for my own good...  
  
Review please! 


End file.
